Standing in the Awkward
Practice
Make a goal to place yourself in awkward situations. Become more comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Stop looking for an exit. Stay a little longer and see where the awkward conversation may lead.
Acknowledge your own feelings of discomfort. Take a series of deep breaths. Allow your body to help regulate your discomfort.
Ask for their name and ask questions. Even if you think you should already know them.
Pray. Consider how Jesus might approach a person or situation you find uncomfortable.
“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”
I walked into the high school gym and scanned the crowd. Why is it always so difficult to know where we are supposed to go? What’s that other mom’s name again? Will she think it’s weird that I sit next to her?
I’ve had my share of bleacher moments: sitting near other parents on the sidelines, looking for things to talk about, always starting with the common ground of our children, but once that topic is exhausted, waiting for a conversational turn to emerge as a natural next step. The result? Awkward silence. An awkward question. An awkward answer.
These bleacher moments make me think of yoga. I’m given a pose, often one uncomfortable to hold. It stretches my muscles with the intent of ultimately feeling better, but in the moment all I can think about is how awkward it is. It’s awkward because I don’t do it often. I’m not good at it. It doesn’t come naturally to me. But the more often I attempt to hold the pose, the easier it becomes. Not all at once, but incrementally.
We have daily opportunities to practice standing in the awkward with our neighbors. When we stand in the awkward, we are staying. We aren’t going anywhere. We aren’t fleeing the discomfort. We are holding the pose if you will. And when we do, that awkwardness often grows to feel more natural.
When things get awkward it means they’re getting a little real. Honesty has pushed its way forward, whether we’ve asked for it or not. Differences are highlighted. And the truth is if I’m feeling awkward in a given moment, the other person likely knows I am. And when I choose to stay, the other person also observes my relationship with them is more important than my comfort. My discomfort is not my exit sign. There’s not anything quite so Christ-like as that. Staying when things get hard.
So, whether it’s an awkward conversation, an awkward setting, or an awkward purpose for interacting - staying engaged is our way of holding the pose. Standing in the awkward is the practice that tells our neighbors they are worth our discomfort. On the other side, we may get more comfortable, or at least get more comfortable with being uncomfortable. Holding the pose can feel strange, but it stretches us. Standing in the awkward makes us better at loving our neighbors.
Alex Kuykendall is the author of several books including Loving My Actual Neighbor: 7 Practices to Treasure the People Right in Front of You. She is the Co-Founder of The Open Door Sisterhood, a community of women working for good right where they are.
