Freudenfreude
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Practice Freudenfreude
Notice your neighbor’s activities this summer. Have an active interest in their happiness.
Ask them questions. What was memorable or unexpected? What do they want to remember?
Ask to see pictures. Go a step beyond small images on a phone, and ask for a slide-show on a TV or monitor).
Celebrate their opportunities, moments, and successes. Host a celebration when neighbors and friends return from travel or a unique experience.
Create connection with freudenfreude. Sharing joy is like sharing dessert.
There is a shadow side of the summer season, it can become a season of comparison to our neighbors, friends, and family. The adventures, travels, and vacations of those around us can become twisted inside us, and lead to envy and jealousy. A practice to counter comparison is to find joy in the successes, opportunities, and beautiful moments of others. The practice of sharing others joy is freudenfreude.
The word freudenfreude, pronounced froi-den-froy-duh, was popularized in 2018 by Catherine Chambliss, an American psychologist. To be clear, it is not an actual German word. But there is a beauty in how new words and language can invite new ideas and practices. To better understand freudenfreude, begin with the language counterpart it was formed in response to, schadenfreude.
Schadenfreude, pronounced sha-din-froy-da, is a compound of the German words schaden, meaning harm, and freude, meaning joy. It is the pleasure we feel in another’s misfortune. Brené Brown writes, “It's easy to build counterfeit connection with collective schadenfreude…but nothing that celebrates the humiliation or pain of another person builds lasting connection.” The modern-day icon of cultivating joy, Ted Lasso, declared the AFC Richmond football club office a "schadenfreude-free zone,” insistent to not find pleasure in the downfall of others.
The practice of freudenfreude is a parallel practice to empathy. Empathy is feeling compassion about others pain. Freudenfreude is connecting and celebrating others joy. Summer is a perfect season to practice freudenfreude. Neighbors and friends often have out-of-the-ordinary experiences during the summer season. Freudenfreude is a way to cultivate connection by finding joy in the vacations, travels, weekend getaways, and summer camps of friends and neighbors.
Brené Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart, instructs her children, “Good friends aren't afraid of your light. They never blow out your flame and you don't blow out theirs-even when it's really bright. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame.”
Practicing freudenfreude is an intentional act of interest in the success, experiences, and opportunities of others. It is a practice of seeing and celebrating. Freudenfreude counters comparison and instead cultivates joy found in the lives of our neighbors, family, and friends.
